Not to alarm anyone, but its official...I am a maximum of 5 years away from complete and total senility. It came slow at first, misplacing my glasses, clumsily buttoning my shirt at least two buttons off. Now the 'crazy train' is roaring down the tracks, full speed, indiscriminately mowing down innocent children along the way. A few examples...

As I arrived at the wedding reception of an intimate friend, I frantically began searching for my phone. A quick search of the floorboards and front seat ended fruitlessly, as did the obscene groping of my own pockets. Just when I was about to give up hope, certain my wife or sister had absconded with it, I became aware I was white-knuckling a corporeal mass in my hand. Further investigation confirmed the inevitable...the prodigal phone had been found.

Act Two: Pumped full of adrenaline from seeing "The Dark Knight", i arrived home, emptied my bladder and positioned myself in front of the mirror in order to practice my Joker face. What proceeded was possibly the most frightening moment of my life. My loving wife had purchased me a Joker shirt depicting the face of the green haired clown beast, a grotesquely toothed grin, surrounded ubiquitously by the word HA!. As I looked into the mirror, the menacing HA! flipped itself over backwards to read AH!. As I mentally curled up into the fetal position, images of the Joker clutching a tongue depressor, poised to perform my next check-up burst into my brain. I simultaneously evacuated my bowels and vomited through my nose.

Rest assured, events like this are sure to escalate, so by all means stay tuned.

P.S. Did you know the plural of cul-de- sac is culs -de-sac?