"Bah Bah...this is the sound of settling"

September 26 marks the release of Nights in Rodanthe, yet another romantic pseudo-comedy. The film industry being what it is, the hype has been swirling around like so many fiery leafs dancing in the autumn breeze. In fact, one critic touts it as being this years, "The Notebook".

I ask you this. How did films like the "The Notebook" become the litmus test for film excellence? Has LSD 25 made a comeback?

Dear Early Twenties Woman Sitting on the Porch With Her Friends...

Should I ever walk past your particular porch again, leftovers in tow, please resist the urge to ask me, "What did you bring me to eat?" If you do, I will most certainly spit in your hair.
Sincerely,
That Guy Who Walked Past You...Minding His Own Damn
Business.

Election years spark debate over a multitude of issues. Taxes, foreign policy, alternative energy and same sex marriage are only the tip of the proverbial hot-button iceberg. Education is one such issue. A lot has been saud about the supposed failure of the No Child Left Behind program implemented by the Bush regime. Fingers have been pointed towards the aforementioned house of peuce and cries for a revamp are heard from atop soapboxes country wide.

Is the government really to blame? I think not. While the current system could undoubtedly use a revamp, the blame for attrocious test scores lies solely on the youth of our nation. Kids are stupid...and just for once, video-games might just be the culprit.

Legend has it that after a rather rousing game of World of WarCraft, a hard-core gamer took it upon himself to talk trash towards his 'noob' opponent. In his haste, he mistakenly typed the word 'owned' as 'pwned'. Impressionable youth being what they are, a multitude of morons mistook the gaffe for a subliminal insult of the clever variety. And as a country, we take yet another step backwards, cementing our spot as a nation in academic peril. I repeat...children are mis-spelling words. strictly for the sake of miss -spelling words. Won't their moms be proud...

Note: An impending switch to digtal television has sparked a series of spots touting the advantages of digital TV. One of the hosts? A splitting image of Matt Damon, should he be 35 years older and a homosexual...creepy

The Sordid Eutanization of Martha

Children's programming has been in trouble since the advent of such Quaalude induced shows as the Teletubbies and Booh-Bah. But a recent discovery has me just a bit spooked. Due to an influx of talk shows in my afternoon programming schedule, I was herded into the realm of PBS. Here I found "Martha Speaks". This particular show features Martha, a canine in her everyday life...oh, and she speaks. Freaky, I know, but nothing compared with how she accrued her oratorical ability. Apparently Martha consumed a can of Alphabet Soup. On the way to her doggy stomach, it somehow got lost and found its way to her doggy brain. A veritable miracle of processed foods. I am currently in cahoots with a one "Arthur the Anteater", hatching a scheme involving Maggie and an undisclosed amount of chocolate. Details to follow.