The latter portion of this post will be dedicated to one of my sophomore brother's jackass teachers but while sitting down to write i saw a commercial that sent my bowels to quivering. Rachel Ray has sold her soul. Aside from being idolized by the Food Network as a phenom "home cook" and plastered all over books and magazines across the nation, she is now in cahoots with none other than Dunkin' Donuts. Why the breakfast pastry bad ass, known for donuts(gasp: its in the title) and great coffee, needs a sandwich is a conundrum best left to brighter minds than mine. Hopefully DD connoisseurs abroad will see through the sham and join me in a vigorous terse letter campaign.

Now down to business. It has come to my attention that my younger brother's history teacher deemed it necessary to call him a homosexual...though I believe he used the word gay. I'm fairly certain that he is in fact not gay, but that is neither here nor there. Being of strong Irish stock, the desire to seek recompense is overwhelming. But while I would like nothing better to storm into the morbidly obese bastard's class one day and punch a hole in his globe, I feel it lacks a certain panache. Therefore I am calling on you, my avid readers, to decide the fate of my newest nemesis. During several short brainstorming sessions, I have toyed with the idea of defacing his President's Of the United States placards and maybe giving him polio. Think quick...I don't know if there is a statute of limitations on these revenge ploys... (sorry, I'm not a box of cereal so there will be no prize)