"Sometimes, I throw nickles in the oven...

There are few things more rewarding than shedding light on one of life's great mysteries. It is in this spirit that I happily report the debunking of the penultimate conundrum. After years of agonizing search, I have stumbled upon the infamous Nickleback fan-base. I know what you're thinking, said fan-base is nothing but a myth, spoon fed to the masses by the music industry in order to give the illusion of credibility. But the truth is, someone is buying this crap. If not, the entire band would've died off years ago, thus making an iron-clad argument for evolution. Who is listening, you ask? The answer shouldn't surprise you. It appears to be single, white, heavily sauced 2o somethings, doling out sexual harrassment and indiscriminately plucking half-smoked cigarettes from the ashtray with a total disregard for Hepatitus C. Now that this group has been identified, avoinding them becomes all the easier. Avoid community swimming pools, dive bars, seedy hotel lounges and any other locations where members of the 'there but by the grace of God' club may frequent. At the risk of sounding insensitive, Helen Keller had it made...

Disclaimer: I am in no way insinuating that the aforementioned music is enjoyed only by one group. Another possibility seems to be the competitive eating cirtcuit. While data is still being collected, any group of people disillusioned enough to believe the consumption of food constitutes an act of courage shows a monolithic lack of inhibition.