The Sordid Eutanization of Martha

Children's programming has been in trouble since the advent of such Quaalude induced shows as the Teletubbies and Booh-Bah. But a recent discovery has me just a bit spooked. Due to an influx of talk shows in my afternoon programming schedule, I was herded into the realm of PBS. Here I found "Martha Speaks". This particular show features Martha, a canine in her everyday life...oh, and she speaks. Freaky, I know, but nothing compared with how she accrued her oratorical ability. Apparently Martha consumed a can of Alphabet Soup. On the way to her doggy stomach, it somehow got lost and found its way to her doggy brain. A veritable miracle of processed foods. I am currently in cahoots with a one "Arthur the Anteater", hatching a scheme involving Maggie and an undisclosed amount of chocolate. Details to follow.